your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
