I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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