Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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