Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
