So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
