I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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