whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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