yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
