Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
