"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
