I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
