Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
