but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
