My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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