Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
