I hate all girls vehemently.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
