home. puking in laundry basket.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
