that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
