we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
