I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
