yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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