I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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