four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize