You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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