I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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