You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
