so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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