I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
