I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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