Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize