from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
