The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my poor anus
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize