All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
