Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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