Already got asked if we're dating
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
