totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
