I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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