Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
And my parents said I crawled through the house
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
