non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
