We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
