Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
