I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
