I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
