Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
