she looked like the before picture.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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