he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
