May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
