ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
