DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let's get the cat blown out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
