she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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