is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Enjoy the penises
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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