she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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