ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
