so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
