god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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