ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i out mim tonsoeep
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