who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
