how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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