what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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