Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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