I heard we made out
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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