so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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