It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
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