If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
