Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
