Nicole vs. Life
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
