Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
