I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
did i just pee glitter
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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