looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
