I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drake has all the answers
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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