She is in my trunk
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize