So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
