Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just blew my weed a kiss
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
