Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
