I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
