So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
