Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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