take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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