i just wanna soil my oats bro
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
