if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
