Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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