When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
