Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize