totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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