first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
