Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
