When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
