insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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