I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
