Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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