The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
