was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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