I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
