I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
