ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
