he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
