Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
