Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
